Intelligence is simply talking to many people

If I could pick one thing for people this year, it'd be for them to learn how to make up with friends

It's New Years Day 2021.

If I could teach people one thing this year it'd be how to make up with friends or relations after they have a falling out or a bump in the road.

How to do it is so simple. You have to summon a bit of courage and go up to them and say you're sorry and that the thing you did was stupid or wrong or a mistake, show them you don't want harm to come to them, and sometimes do something nice for them to make up for the harmful thing you did, like give them a gift you know they'd value or make a scene to show them you care about them. This way of doing things is shown in every kids drama TV show, yet no one seems to do it.

But what happens in life is that the person who did the harmful or stupid thing feels bad and doesn't want to face their friend or relation afterwards. Part of this might be the feel bad for the harm the other person felt, part might be they don't want to face a conversation where they have to admit they did harm to a friend, and part might be they don't want to think about themselves in the light that facts would force them to, that all the posts they repost on Facebook every day about how they can't trust anyone or friends are all selfish and that's why everything's impossible describes them, too. It does at least if you don't make amends after you make a mistake.

Over the years I've lost endless friends this way. What usually happens follows a basic pattern. We become friends, we go along and really get along, we treat each other with generosity, usually I'm more generous and look out for their interests more, which is my own problem I need to work on since the results of treating anyone well or considerately seem to indicate that's almost certainly a negative strategy, we become better and better friends and have good times and get closer and closer with the things we talk about and be open about, and then they do something selfish or petty that they feel bad about and then avoid me from then on. I guess because they don't want to face themselves or me. It does take a bit of mustering up a bit of courage to make amends and tell the other person you're sorry and regret something, but there's no way to carry on forward without doing that. Over the years I've lost friends continuously in this way so it's become an obvious pattern. I expect it and see it developing. Usually the day they say, 'You're a real friend,' or something along those lines is the day before it happens, and when I hear start to say something like this I try to cut them off and when I hear it I hear 'This friendship is going to end soon.'

It's tiring and saddening losing friends almost every time you meet them because they just do something wrong and then avoid you. And I see them breaking off their friendships with eachother continuously too. I see one of a pair of inseparable best friends and ask what happened and they had a fight, or the other person did something shitty or stole something, some small and petty thing usually or sometimes something bigger. But the next friend they make has the same thing coming to them because without a way to resolve problems, and since we're going to continuously make mistakes even with important people until we die, it's just going to be a series of starts that have a failed end built into them.

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