Blog: TTTThis

Bill Callahan Lyrics

River Guard, by Bill Callahan of Smog, from "Knock Knock" recorded in 1998.

When I take the prisoners swimming
They have the time of their lives
I love to watch them floating
On their backs
Unburden and relaxed
I sit in the tall grass and look the other way
And when I hall them in they always say
Our sencencess will not served
We are constantly on trial
It's a way to be free
Most nights I go for a drive
To to the highest place I can find
Stand there on a cliff with gooseflesh
Watching the wind rip the leaves of the trees
Death defying
Every breath
Death defying
Soon we all be back in the yard
Behind the wall
Leaving heart
Dreaming of cool rivers and tall grass
We are constantly on trial
It's a way to be free
We are constantly on trial
It's a way to be free

Red Apples, the early version, not the one that appeared later on 1997's "Red Apple Falls"

I went down to the river
To meet the widow
She gave me an apple
And it was red
I slept in her black arms
For a century
She wanted nothing in return
I gave her nothing in return
The ghost of her husband
Beautiful as a horse
Pulled up an apple cart
Full of millions of red apples for us
Full of millions of red apples for us
I went down to the river
To meet the widow
She gave me an apple
And it was red
I slept in her black arms
For a century
She wanted nothing in return
I gave her nothing in return
I went down to the river
To meet the widow

Riding for the Feeling, on 2011's "Apocalypse"

It's never easy to say goodbye
To the faces
So rarely do we see another one
So close and so long
I asked the room if I'd said enough
No one really answered
They just said, "Don't go, don't go, don't go, don't go, don't go"
Well all this leaving is never ending
I kept hoping for one more question
Or for someone to say,
"Who do you think you are?"
So I could tell them
With intensity, the drop evaporates by law
In conclusion, leaving is easy
When you've got some place you need to be
I'm giving up this gig for another season
With the TV on mute
I'm listening back to the tapes
On the hotel bed
My, my, my apocalypse
My, my, my apocalypse
I realised I had said very little about ways or wheels
Or riding for the feeling
Riding for the feeling
Is the fastest way to reach the shore
On water or land
Riding for the feeling, riding for the feeling, riding for the feeling
Riding for the feeling, riding for the feeling, riding for the feeling
What if I had stood there at the end
And said again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again
An answer to every question
Riding for the feeling, riding for the feeling, riding for the feeling
Riding for the feeling, riding for the feeling, riding for the feeling
Riding for the riding, for the riding, and for the ride
Riding for the feeling, riding for the feeling, riding for the feeling
Would that have been a suitable goodbye?

I Break Horses from 1996's "Kicking a Couple Around" by Smog

Well, I rode out to the ocean
And the water looked like tarnished gold
I rode out on a broken horse
Who told me she'd never felt so old
She asked me if I'd feed her
And ride her now and then
No no no, no no no, no no no
I break horses
I don't tend to them
I break horses
They seem to come to me
Asking to be broken
They seem to run to me
I break horses
Doesn't take me long
Just a few well-placed words
And their wandering hearts are gone
At first her warmth felt good between my legs
Living breathing heart-beating flesh
But soon that warmth turned to an itch
Turned to a scratch
Turned to a gash
I break horses
I don't tend to them
Tonight I'm swimming to my favorite island
And I don't want to see you swimming behind
Tonight I'm swimming to my favorite island
And I don't want to see you swimming behind
No, I break horses
I don't tend to them

Dress Sexy at My Funeral, from 2000's Dongs of Sevotion

Dress sexy at my funeral my good wife
Dress sexy at my funeral my good wife
For the first time in your life

Wear your blouse undone to here
And your skirt split up to there

Dress sexy at my funeral my good wife
For the first time in your life
Dress sexy at my funeral my good wife

Wink at the minister
Blow kisses to my grieving brothers

Dress sexy at my funeral my good wife

And when it comes your turn to speak
Before the crowd
Tell them about the time we did it
On the beach with fireworks above us
On the railroad tracks
With the gravel in your back
In the back room of a crowded bar
And in the very grave yard
Where my body now rests

Dress sexy at my funeral my good wife
Dress sexy at my funeral my good wife
For the first time in your life

Also tell them about how I gave to charity
And tried to love my fellow man
As best I could
But most of all don't forget about the time
On the beach
With fireworks above us
TTTThis

Ballads

River of Deceit, by Mad Season, 1994

My pain is self-chosen
At least, so the prophet says
I could either burn
Or cut off my pride and buy some time
A head full of lies is the weight, tied to my waist

The river of deceit pulls down, oh oh
The only direction we flow is down
Down, oh down
Down, oh down
Down, oh down
Down, oh down

My pain is self-chosen
At least I believe it to be
I could either drown
Or pull off my skin and swim to shore
Now I can grow a beautiful shell for all to see

The music for "River of Deceit" came out of rehearsals that the group had before vocalist Layne Staley joined the band. Much of "River of Deceit", lyrically, was inspired by The Prophet by Khalil Gibran, which Staley read during the making of the album. Drummer Barrett Martin said, "Layne Staley felt as though he was on a spiritual mission through his music. Not a rock mission, a spiritual mission." Staley also wrote the song partially about his drug addiction which would eventually lead to his death in 2002.


Chloe Dancer/Crown of Thorns, from Mother Love Bone's 1989 "Shine"

Chloe don't know better
Chloe just like me, only beautiful
A couple of years of difference
But those lessons never learned
Chloe danced the tables in the french quarter
She always been given so I can't always make her laugh
But I'm proud to say
And I won't forget
Time spent laying by her side
Time spent laying by her side
And dreams like this must die
And dreams like this must die
And dreams like this must
You ever heard the story of Mr.Faded Glory?
Say he who rides a pony must someday fall
Been talkin' to my alter
Say life is what you make it
And if you make it death well then rest your soul away
Away away yeah child
It's a broken kind of feeling
She'd have to tie me to the ceiling
A bad moon's a comin' better say your prayers, child
I want to tell her that I love you
But does it really matter?
I just can't stand to see you dragging down Again
Again
My baby again, oh, yeah
So I'm singing
And this is my kinda love
It's the kind that moves on
It's unkind and leaves me alone
Yes it does
And this is my kinda love
It's the kind that moves on
It's unkind that leaves me alone
I uses to treat you like a lady
Now you're a substitute teacher
This bottle's not a pretty, not a pretty sight
I owe the man some money so I'm turnin' over honey
You see Mr.Faded Glory is once again doin' time, oh yeah
And this is my kinda love
It's the kind that moves on
It's the kind the leaves me alone
Yes, it does
And this is my kinda love
It's the kind that moves on
It's the kind that, it's the kind that
It leaves me alone, yeah
Like a crown of thorns
It's all who you know, yeah
So don't burn your bridges woman
'Cause someday, yeah
Kick it, oh yeah
And this is my kinda love
It's the kind that moves on
It's the kind that leaves me alone, yeah
This is my kinda love
It's the kind that moves on
It's the kind that, it's the kind that, yeah, yeah
Baby
I said com' on, com' on, com' on com' on yeah
I said baby
Don't burn your bridges, woman
Don't come back here
I said good times, tu tu tu
Tu tu tu
I said tu tu tu

"Chloe Dancer" is about lead singer Andy Wood's muse/fiancee, Xana La Fuente, who had planned to be a stripper to support the pair, but left the club after one hour. "Crown of Thorns" was written about their nasty breakup over his on and-off-again dabbling in heroin and alcohol. "This song is about a relationship ruined by drugs," she explains. "He wrote it about our near breakup, and how I tried to control him and the drugs--hence his allusion to being tied to the ceiling."


Wilma's Rainbow, from Helmet's 1994 "Betty"

You heard about, 'be your own man'
You talk a lot and loud
Illustrate the obvious boy
You're mentally endowed
Watershed year comes
You're flush with fever
The richest junk dealer
Honestly, a book you read once let you
Think in rhyme. the old extreme sits
Pale and molds now for the
Millionth time
Wilma's rainbow of peaceful colors
The richest junk dealer

Björk - Hyperballad

We live on a mountain
Right at the top
There's a beautiful view
From the top of the mountain
Every morning I walk towards the edge
And throw little things off
Like car-parts, bottles and cutlery
Or whatever I find lying around
It's become a habit
A way to start the day

I go through all this
Before you wake up
So I can feel happier
To be safe up here with you

It's real early morning
No-one is awake
I'm back at my cliff
Still throwing things off
I listen to the sounds they make
On their way down
I follow with my eyes 'til they crash
Imagine what my body would sound like
Slamming against those rocks
When it lands
Will my eyes
Be closed or open?
TTTThis

Computer Buyers Guide (Why I can't get a new laptop)

To find your processor, type

cat /proc/cpuinfo

Go to https://www.cpubenchmark.net/cpu.php?cpu=Intel+Core+i7-3520M+%40+2.90GHz&id=890

...

Comparing familiar machines

x230, 2846, 1726

Intel Core i7-3520M @ 2.90GHz (2012)

...

L380 Yoga, 5810, 1885

Intel(R) Core(TM) i5-8250U CPU @ 1.60GHz

...

GPD Pocket 3 8", 9350, 2445

core i3-1125G4 (2021)

...

Acer Aspire One (2009), 157, 234 sic, and other processors had more, like up to 500 or so

Intel Atom N280 @ 1.66GHz

...

...

UPDATE from 2020-04-01 April. I ended up getting a new machine, mostly because the x230 something else failed on it every month, most noticeably the battery (replacement I bought a couple months ago because the original died in a week or two) which is usually completely unchargeable. Not a problem with the machine, but with German Amazon that advertises it as being basically new but really it arrived chipped, broken, and things started failing on it immediately and continued. Also, I was unable to post a review (negative) or comment to warn others. It seems Amazon Germany sensors reviews, so other people now are buying the same machine from the same company.

I ended up getting a 380 Yoga because it's more than twice as powerful by benchmark numbers as my x230, and has touch screen and yogas. It has only 8gig of RAM but it's expandable. It also uses M.2 which is reportedly faster than my SSD cartridges for the x230. So far though I'm frustrated and want to seriously just smash this machine to pieces for satisfaction. I don't know why companies can't make products as good as they did 8 or 10 years ago in computers. Problems with the 380 Yoga (note: running Ubuntu Studio 20), and I put in a 1tb Samsung m.2 hard disk which appeared to be faster than the original but I'm not sure:

  • If you don't take your microSD out before opening the case, it will likely break it in half (this happened) - I mean your microSD is properly inserted in the machine and it pull it half out and breaks it - Design by Lenovo
  • Can't open case with pen in either I think - could break or bend pen (not sure)
  • The trackpad is garbage. You can't use it. It jumps around sensing your finger or something, constantly
  • Too big. It's not the little laptop I want to carry around or put on my lap. It's actually quite big, despite people saying it's smaller. It feels in size like a regular laptop, which is not good
  • Too heavy. It's I think over 3 pounds. My x230 is lighter, under 3 pounds although I want something about 1.5 pounds like my Acer aspire 11.5 inch which is my ideal computer body (it just doesn't have the power, and takes minutes to boot and load a music DAW, all you can really do on it is type text, barely watch YouTube, and run maybe one or two non-instensive tracks on a DAW).
  • Heats up so much you will be sweating if it's on your lap. Fan is on the bottom not on the side where it should be.
  • Speakers quiet like the x230, neither any good for that. You can't hear them.
  • Power adapter in is like a phone charger adapter. I know it will soon bend inside and break when it gets pulled a bit
  • Keypad, despite people saying it's Lenovo Thinkpad and the best keypads, isn't that great. The x230 is better. I feel I'm missing keys sometimes on the 380
  • Power seems to be better, as a 20 minute slideshow (with a couple video clips in it) video I wanted to render on Kdenlive took like 20 minutes instead of about 2 hours (I didn't complete it) on the x230. However a second video I wanted to make that had more video clips in it's makeup, which was about 30 minutes long, said originally about 35 minutes, but then crashed. Then I tried a few more times and it said 45 minutes or 1 hour 20 minutes, but always crashed in the render. So I took half out, but the 12 or 15 minute video also crashed.
  • Touchscreen despite being much newer doesn't really seem that much more accurate than the touchscreen on the Elitebook 2760p (very comparable to the x230 in being a small, powerful, well build machine from 8 to 10 years ago, although I would never buy any other HP because I've hated every one I've bought, and I've mostly had HPs until I started with Thinkpads, and just had one Lenovo before which for it's power-grade I'm still happy with (it's also an older one though). The pen in the Yoga 380 is also not as great as I hoped. It has two buttons but I don't know what they do. I thought they'd be like a right and left click button, but they're not. The pen is only better than your finger or mouse it seems for actually drawing or writing, any clicking or dragging is still better with a mouse.
  • The screen has huge black borders around it. I thought they'd maximize space by having a screen almost as big as the panel, which is what it sounded like they were doing from reviewers, but the screen looks quite small on the big panel. The screen seems brighter than the x230, which makes me notice new things in pictures I was used to viewing on the x230, but it also seems like it might just have the saturation turned up.
  • The wifi card may be weaker than the x230. On the x230 I frequently have full or almost full, while the 380 has usually 30%. Maybe it's the same speed downloading though, I'm not sure.

Posiitives: - It does seem to run VMs faster. The Windows7 VM with Ableton seems to respond faster than on x230. Not fast enough to actually play midi notes (you hit a key and then hear the note), but faster anyway, noticeably.

To me, this machine seems like you'd use it sitting on a desktop, but if that's what you want to do, why wouldn't you use a 17 inch or greater? As a portable it's kind of a piece of shit so far. The inability to buy in 2020 a machine that suits my needs is very frustrating. If Sony's VAIO can support linux and they make a Yoga touchscreen for their tiny 11 or 12-inch, 1 pound computers I would buy that at basically any price.

I'm thinking now to get another x230, despite being less powerful, and being careless with this Yoga 380 until it gets stolen or broken. Or maybe just sell it.

What pisses me off is the people at Lenovo can't make a decent machine to compare with something made by other people there 10 years ago. All they have to do is make it a bit smaller (mostly thinner) and lighter and more powerful, and put on a yoga touchscreen which they had 10 years ago (although then they used a swivel screen I think, as did Elitebook).


ORIGINAL BLOG POST:

Reminder because I keep forgetting what's wrong with them.

(Another reminder: It's at least an option to get one of these, then run Win7 Ableton in a VM. There is lag you won't be able to get past, especially as regards recording live audio [not fully tested]), but it's an option. You also would have to learn how to pass a midi keyboard through into the VM if you want to use that [with lag probably too]. This method basically converts Ableton into just a sequencer, because the time lag is like half a second, for example, for a midi note played through the computer keyboard. This is worse than it sounds, because in practice you will play something, then hum a little melody, but you won't be able to add that melody to your song except through extremely difficult processing.)

Probably for music production the best way is Win7 (no internet) with Ableton. This sucks, but Bitwig is shit, and also you can't plug audio into the X230 using Linux because 1)the mic doesn't work it seems and 2)your preferred audio interface also doesn't work (no drivers on the newer Ubuntus for it, plus even if you get it working its big and you have to plug it in. Do you really need internet on your laptop? Can you just use your phone for that? Still, that means no touch screen to arm tracks and press record.

TO CONTRAST WITH: Thinkpad X230 i5 with 16RAM. Good: Good enough to do all the programs. Can swap SSDs. Can swap RAM ("socketed RAM," not soldiered). Doesn't look valuable. Isn't costly.

Kickers: Only 4500benchmark i5 (2300 or something on other website). Kind of thick and heavy, compared with ideal (ideal is like an Acer Aspire V5 11.5inch plastic laptop). Does not Yoga or have touch screen (although there is a swivel/touch X230). Battery only a couple of hours (once you hack the Lenovo hardware whitelist).

TARGET: 12-inch or less, very small, very light (1.5pounds or less), Linux-friendly, access to swappable SDD card, access to swappable RAM slots, powerful (at least around 8000 benchmark). Good battery life. Touch screen. Yoga-ing ability. Swappable battery.

(Purposes: audio processing, video processing.)

New Thinkpads: none under 13.3 inch most larger, plus limited storage disks, it seems, and all 3 pounds or more.

Thinkpad x390

Around the same width as x230 (0.7 inch), 13.3 screen.

13" laptop is designed with a 12" footprint. 2.7 pounds.

As equipped with the Core i7-8565U, the ThinkPad X390 posted excellent benchmark (like 8250). This four-core, eight-thread chip has just a 1.8GHz base clock, but an impressive 4.6GHz Turbo Boost.

The storage is tweakable via an M.2 Type-2280 slot (under the bottom panel) for PCI Express solid-state drives (SSDs). Lenovo offers up to 1TB options.

14 hour battery

KICKERS: RAM is soldiered in and not upgradable (or fixable). Not sure if it can take bigger than 1TB SDDs?

https://www.pcmag.com/roundup/330389/the-best-lenovo-laptops

https://www.pcmag.com/review/369042/lenovo-thinkpad-x390

https://www.lenovo.com/us/en/laptops/thinkpad/thinkpad-x/X390/p/20Q0002EUS

https://www.windowscentral.com/how-upgrade-ssd-your-lenovo-thinkpad-x390

Thinkpad L390 (Front runner because its fairly swappable and has touchscreen and yogas. Main problem is it is a bit big and heavy)

This is a business-class laptop. A bit bigger than I'd like, and metal. It has good ports, and comes with the 8900benchmark i7-8565U 4core i7 (like basically all these laptops in 2019). It has 2 removable RAM ports (so you can go up to 32gig). It also Yogas (keys don't lock on this one, they just don't function), and has a touch screen and a pen with its own charging bay. Battery life about 6 or 7 hours (less than X1 Carbon by far or other more expensive Thinkpads). Also built to operate in really high temperatures for long periods of time.

Stickers: 3 pounds a bit heavy, size a bit big. Has that hard disk that screws in (so I can't just slide my 2tb ssd in, I guess, like I can with an older machine).

DELL XPS 13 9380

12 inches and 2.7 pounds. 11 hour battery. $900 and up. Soldiered RAM up to 16GIG.

Is it Linux-friendly? What's up with the ports?

Dell Latitude 7390

At 0.7 by 12 by 8.2 inches

12 hour battery

SONY VIAOS (would be great if they had touchscreen, Yoga-ed, and had swappable RAM)

Sony is making some nice little VAIO's again like the SX12. They're very small, and super light (like 1.5 pounds I think, or 1 pound). Size is good. They come with the 8900benchmark i7. They have good ports, including VGA. I think they have decent battery life. This is like a nicer version of the Acer Aspire V5 11.5 inch.

Kickers: I think RAM is soldered on up to 16GIG. They do not Yoga. They are not touch screen. Price is high for some (1200 and up), considering the things they don't do. Battery life only like 5 hours (not the 10 they say). They run really not like 90 when doing lots of processing (not dangerous to CPU hot but hot). Smaller trackpad. Harder to take apart (lots of phillips screws, then use a guitar pick to pry it apart).

TTTThis

Words of Others I

I asked him whose food it was. He said it was free. "Yes, but who donated it? Who's laying it on?" "It's free because it's yours," came a reply.


A lesser known aspect of predators is that they protect species lower in the food chain, and allow ecological niches to exist that provide habitats for species that would otherwise not be able to live in the area.


Sun Tzu, whose name was Wu, was a native of Wu. He excelled at military strategy but dwelled in secrecy far away from civilization, so ordinary people did not know of his ability. Wu Tzu-hsu [King Ho-lu's advisor], himself enlightened, wise, and skilled in discrimination, knew Sun Tzu could penetrate and destroy the enemy. One morning when he was discussing military affairs he recommended Sun Tzu seven times. King Ho-lu said: "Since you have found an excuse to advance this shih, I want to have him brought in." He questioned Sun Tzu about military strategy, and each time that he laid out a section of his book the king could not praise him enough. - Spring and Autumn Annals of Wu and Yueh


The moral code of our society is so demanding that no one can think, feel and act in a completely moral way. For example, we are not supposed to hate anyone, yet almost everyone hates somebody at some time or other, whether he admits it to himself or not. Some people are so highly socialized that the attempt to think, feel and act morally imposes a severe burden on them. In order to avoid feelings of guilt, they continually have to deceive themselves about their own motives and find moral explanations for feelings and actions that in reality have a non-moral origin. We use the term “oversocialized” to describe such people.

And today's society tries to socialize us to a greater extent than any previous society. We are even told by experts how to eat, how to exercise, how to make love, how to raise our kids and so forth.

The only requirements in modern industrial society are a moderate amount of intelligence, and most of all, simple OBEDIENCE.


It was dubbed the Stork Derby by the media, and the strange contest quickly became national and international news. Attempts by the Supreme Court of Canada to invalidate the will proved unsuccessful, mainly due to the document's meticulous preparation, and excited copywriters began to feverishly speculate about who might claim the cash.


Every attempt to make war easy and safe will result in humiliation and disaster.


Violence: This can be avoided, if there is a will for it.


Intollerance is the first sign of inadequate education. An ill-educated person behaves with arrogant impatience, whereas a truly profound education breeds humility.


A great writer is, so to speak, a second government in his country.


Mongols are fanatics. They adore the Dalai Lama and obey him blindly. If he tomorrow orders them go to war against the Chinese, if he urges them to a bloody revolution, they will all like one man follow him as their ruler. China's government, which fears the Mongols, hooks on to the Dalai Lama. ... There is calm in Tibet. No ferment of any kind is perceptible. - Sven Heddin 1909


The diligent farmer plants trees, of which he himself will never see the fruit.


Most people fail to realize that 7/22 was an act of desperation, in part because they lack the intelligence and knowledge to draw the inevitable conclusion that the demise of the European race is imminent.


Anything that is right for a group to do is right for one person to do.


Being tried in a court set up by war criminals, there can be no justice there.


We are the only hope for the survival of Israel.


ON EDUCATION (probably to be moved to its own article)

Neither do I believe that education raises intelligence, this is another Cultural Marxist fantasy, one it shares with classic communism, as Stalin and his buddies believed that educating the underclasses was going to turn Russia into a nation of super people. It didn't work then, and it will not work now.


We're trying to educate your child for the third job and the fourth job and their fifth job, not just for the first job. So we want to give your child certain habits of mind, certain ways of asking questions, of sorting fact from fiction, of analyzing information and data, that can be adapted to jobs that we don't even know exist yet. And so how do we get that complex of skills? It can be in a variety of different majors or concentrations. How to deal with ambiguity, moral and ethical reasoning, how to adapt to a changing job market and changing interests of their own. You work hard to do the best you can do (the best that people have been recorded to have done, like a Willy Mays catch), but the way you stay there is to try and improve that tomorrow, and I think we have to do that with our education.


Specialization is for insects.


The arms embargo was void as a matter of international law, to the extent that the embargo interfered with arms aquisition by Bosnians who were potential genocide victims.

The protocol also recognizes "the inherent right to individual or collective self-defence" and to "self-determination of all peoples."


Those who are repeatedly passive in the face of injustice soon find their character corroded by servility.


Authoritarian regimes create forces which oppose them by pushing against a people's will to truth, love and self-realization. Plans which assist authoritarian rule, once discovered, induce further resistance.


For knowing afar off (which it is only given a prudent man to do) the evils that are brewing, they are easily cured. But when, for want of such knowledge, they are allowed to grow until everyone can recognize them, there is no longer any remedy to be found.


Crisis is not negative, it is the only time you can apply real social change.


First, If any man declare his judgement in the things of God contrary to the Clergy's report, or the minds of some high Officers, they are cashiered, imprisoned, crushed and undone, and made sinners for a word, as they were in the Popes and Bishops days ; so that though their names be cast out, yet their High Commission Court Power remains still, persecuting men for conscience sake, when their actions are& unblamable. ...

Fourthly, if we go to the lawyer, we find him to sit in the conqueror's chair though the kings be removed, maintaining the kings’ power to the height; for in many courts and cases of law the will of a judge and lawyer rules above the letter of the law, and many cases and suits are lengthened to the great vexation of the clients and to the lodging of their estates in the purse of the unbounded lawyer. So that we see, though other men be under a sharp law, yet many of the great lawyers are not, but still do act their will as the conqueror did; as I have heard some belonging to the law say, "What cannot we do?"


The McCarthy Period, as its euphemistically referred to showed quite clearly what happened to the loner in the face of centralized oppression: thousands of people were quietly pulled from their jobs while their colleagues stood idly by or replaced them in an effort to hold onto what they had.


Their powers stem from a revolution worked by the people.


Having successfully brought the column to a halt, the man climbed onto the hull of the buttoned-up lead tank and, after briefly stopping at the driver's hatch, appeared in video footage of the incident to call into various ports in the tank's turret. He then climbed atop the turret and seemed to have a short conversation with a crew member at the gunner's hatch. After ending the conversation, the man descended from the tank. The tank commander briefly emerged from his hatch, and the tanks restarted their engines, ready to continue on. At that point, the man, who was still standing within a meter or two from the side of the lead tank, leapt in front of the vehicle once again and quickly re-established the man–tank standoff.


Perhaps the most interesting part of his final post, however, was the observation that the United States is no longer a nation of laws; Ball described what he calls the ‘second set of books,’ which is essentially the collection of policies, procedures, and protocols that courts and executive agencies rely upon. ...

My assessment of this situation, however controversial it may be, remains very clear: the great faceless enemy that opposes us, irrespective of our country of origin, is the institution of government.

Over time, this institution has inserted itself into nearly all aspects of life, such that a man cannot so much as enjoy a pint of beer, discipline his children, ride on the train, go to the doctor, open a bank account, apply for a job, go fishing, or watch a sporting event without the heavy hand of government being involved.

This is a beast that feeds on citizens; the more it feeds, the larger it becomes and the hungrier it gets. Of all the solutions out there, including armed conflict, civil disobedience, self-immolation, active democracy, etc., the only one that truly destroys the beast is starving it– take away the feast of productive citizens and accelerate its collapse.


Any one swept up into legal mess is usually astonished at what they see. They cannot believe what the police, prosecutors and judges are doing. It is so blatantly wrong. Well, I can assure you that everything they do is logical and by the book. The confusion you have with them is you both are using different sets of books. You are using the old First Set of Books- the Constitution, the general laws or statutes and the court ruling sometime call Common Law. They are using the newer Second Set of Books. That is the collection of the policy, procedures and protocols. Once you know what set of books everyone is using, then everything they do looks logical and upright. And do not bother trying to argue with me that there is no Second Set of Books. I have my own copies at home. Or at least a good hunk of the important part of it.


The Jaffrey Police Department Policy and Procedures Manual states that if a wife says she does not want her husband arrested, the police are to ignore her, arrest the husband, and get with the prosecutor to see what they can work out.


The only way to avoid a game is to stop playing it.


We return to the silent - crowded - uptight sidewalks with our pockets full of absurdity and compromise between cowardice and illusion.


Labelling someone's action as domestic violence in America in the 21st Century is akin to labelling someone a Jew in Germany in the 1930's.


In the epilogue chapter of the 20th Anniversary Edition of her book The Feminine Mystique, Betty related why she resigned as the first president of the National Organization of Women in 1970. Betty wrote that she "was unable to openly fight the man haters and unwilling to front for them anymore ..."


The East German secret police, the Stazi, had 25% of the population on record as informers.


It's more valuable if the people write it.


Power is the ability to define phenomena and make it act in a desired manner.


Do not let them make me a madman.


Violent emprires are at their height when they don't have to use their power against their opponents. They're at their end when they have to use it constantly.


Before her parents' denunciation and imprisonment, Chang had unquestioningly supported Mao and criticised herself for any momentary doubts. But by the time of his death, her respect for Mao, she writes, had been destroyed. Chang wrote that when she heard he had died, she had to bury her head in the shoulder of another student to pretend she was grieving.


Such a jackboot on one's throat creates atomized people, which contributes to deep despair and depression.


Immaturity is merely the price of that rejuvenation of the white race which is taking place on American soil.


It seemed dreary in the contrast to the fresh glimmer of the star, to be hunting a broken bowl and trying to put it together.


Picasso's later representations, then, in which the self-referential Minotaur requires the gentle guidance of a child is ironic.

The Minotaur is miserably taking part in the human desire of drinking.


The same happens with a watch. It will go more or less well; but if it goes at all it is not so bad. The worse begins the moment it falls into the hands of a watchmaker ... His manipulations will rob it of its purity, and this will never return ...


He was fresh from university and was equipped with only a rifle, a camel and a uniform. His only luxuries were a few books and a Christmas hamper sent by his mother from Fortnum and Mason.

The youthful Cromer might have been a hedonistic, spendthrift young army officer, but by the age of 42 he was ready for huge responsibilities.


The public should be ready, and be happy when science changes its minds and the story changes ...


Everybody knows that everyone is lying.


m (insert here)


You're building a table, you're building a kid at the same time.


Fit in. You'll be happier.


Words are more important than deeds. You can't govern 180 million people by doing things. You can only do it by rhetoric.


A child entering this world must sit in another's chair, eat food from another's plate, sleep in another's bed. Only this way can you find your place.


To chose one thing means to give up another.


When it looks hopeless a decision's what you need.


All great things must first wear terrifying and monstrous masks in order to inscribe themselves on the hearts of humanity.


He's always engaged substantively in our discussions. It will now be very important to hear him speak forthrightly.


If you don't have personal integrity, you can't be smart enough to overcome that. You can't be good enough at anything to overcome that. You must have a high level of personal integrity first and foremost.


The concept of "era" in the traditional sense is disappearing - or has disappeared - in the 21st Century.


When you pirate a product and the resources are not channeled back to that person who created the product, he is losing out on creating a new product for you tomorrow. So you are the loser. Tomorrow you will not have another product.


If you don't have that mirror to see yourself, I think you are lost.


insert Kairostami


They simply kept trying to teach me at every moment, "Look what you keep losing and what you could be gaining." One cannot gain, if one is not willing to lose something.


Money will drive what the public sees.


The genius thing we did was not give up.


Despair is the conclusion of fools.


There are plenty of rules once you invent them.


We realize we are still apart.


They pass by the castle of Elsinore. The German savant says, "That castle has nothing extraordinary about it." The Danish psychic replies, "Yes, but if you say it's Hamlet's castle, then it becomes extraordinary." Elsinore, that's real. Hamlet, that's imaginary. Imaginary: certainty; Real: uncertainty.


I'm hard on her and she's hard on me. It works for us. It works in the dynamics of our relationship.


The prism through which we see reality is our partisan identity.


Our Declaration, Constitution, and Bill of Rights recognizes the right to defend one's self as a fundamental human right - and to do so with a weapon is something the government of the United States cannot take away.


Cash insulates a company in a bad way. Innovation doesn't happen as much. It's inefficient to have lots of insurance, and that's what lots of cash does. Insurers like it because it buffers from bankruptcy.


Wherever there is power there is subversion.


We have abandoned the sea, mountains, and rivers, only consuming their bounty by means of enormous distribution systems. We go to supermarkets and convenience stores and pay money to receive news of nature.


This place was wrong. It's intentions were pure, but its methods were cruel.


The people who have gotten me through in my life are the weirdos and the poets. The rebellious women and the activists. They were considered the riffraff by the people in power, and they're the ones that make history.


The chaos and the dynamism have some connection. It's not that riots are a good thing. That's the wrong reading. But rather to understand the costs of trying to remove all risks from our lives.


Lots of people in China right now trying to buy back things that mean something to them.


But then you can't do them, because they're lies. Once you know something, then it becomes a device. And once it's a device, it's frozen.


That's merely discrimination. You wouldn't call that ageism? You have no judgment against old people outside of your business hiring.


The biggest champions fail the most. You fail thousands of times in practice to win one championship.


Making a profit is an extremely important goal. Without a stable income, you can't contribute to society. So working hard each day to ensure a profit is the number one priority. But once you have that, it is also important to think about how you can contribute to the community. If local society collapses, so does your business.

If you only pursue profit, something has to be sacrificed. If you look just at the material value of a product, you end up cutting corners in order to increase profits. That's really your only option.

Increasing pure profit would mean a drop in service, and it would also affect chefs, gardeners, and the many other experts who create the inn's (ryokan's) traditional atmosphere.

A relationship matures slowly over many years of use. It would be very difficult to take any one element and try to recreate it somewhere else.

At that time (1800s Meiji Japan) there was no guarantee that the nation would protect individuals or their companies. So from time to time merchants would band together to appeal to the government, or else they might cooperate to help local society and regions grow. That was a driving force at the time.

Japan has many more long-lived companies than any other country.


It's more to do with that they're all in the same place, that makes them into a family.


You can't repeat this, though. Doing the same container over and over again would kill its charm.


I will do as if I was not there.


If you tell me who your heros are, I can tell you how you're going to turn out.


If you're going to start a company, it takes so much energy, it should be something that will [do whatever for you] that it will overcome your feeling of risk.


Even when the tests seem pointless, persistence will lead to answers.


For me, a democracy is when the population proposes laws, for example, a petition, which are adopted or vetoed by the population. Or it's not a democracy, nor even a parody. Europe's true vocation is to make democracy impossible and install a government of experts. I'm against it for the reasons I cited. Democracy is the future, Europe is a regression. Elected representatives means no more democracy.


There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.


The simple step of a courageous individual is not to take part in the lie. "One word of truth outweighs the world." - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, quoting a Russian proverb.


"When any government, or any church for that matter, undertakes to say to its subjects, 'This you may not read, this you must not see, this you are forbidden to know,' the end result is tyranny and oppression, no matter how holy the motives. Mighty little force is needed to control a man whose mind has been hoodwinked; contrariwise, no amount of force can control a free man, a man whose mind is free. No, not the rack, not fission bombs, not anything--you can't conquer a free man; the most you can do is kill him." --Robert A. Heinlein


THEN all Israel gathered themselves to David unto Hebron, saying, Behold, we are thy bone and thy flesh. And moreover in time past, even when Saul was king, thou wast he that leddest out and broughtest in Israel: and the LORD thy God said unto thee, Thou shalt feed my people Israel, and thou shalt be ruler over my people Israel.


You got enlightenment. You can use it to change the world.


TTTThis

The heart desires, but the body refuses

"The Heart Desires but the Body Refuses: Sexual Scripts, OlderMen’s Perceptions of Sexuality, and Implications for Their Mentaland Sexual Health" (2017) - Sylivia Karen, Rutagumirwa, and Ajay Bailey

Notes:

Tanzania

They found that internalized sexual scripts were the main driver of youth’s vulnerability (i.e., prompted them into risky practices) because these scripts constitute masculinity as very fragile and in need of constant protection, making these male adolescents wary both of female partners who refused them sex and of sexual practices which offered little or no control and power over women (i.e., that raised suspicions about their manliness).

Memo: [2013-02-26 08:36:34]. Before I started data collection I struggled to imagine what my relationship to the participants would be. I asked myself whether they would be willing to open up to me. …I realized that, in order to be trusted by the participants, the personal characteristics of the interviewers, such as sense of humor, dress, and conduct would be more important in establishing rapport with and gaining the confidence of the participants than the age or sex of interviewer.

“…Aging is a painful thing for a man … when a man becomes old all the energy leaves him …the body refuses to respond to desires… the two of you (husband and wife) just stare at each other, the relationship changes… you start treating your wife as your sister! Ehe! A week passes, and another... even a month can pass without doing it (sex), you are afraid of trying, you may perform poorly…Eeh the body may betray you again…as a man you feel worthless… You fail again! …This is very stressful for a man… Your partner may think, ‘Maybe my husband is tired of me or he is running around’… The quarrel starts.” (MzeeMagari)

Specifically, the Jando model honors two forms of masculinity: the man as breadwinner/material provider and the man as a sexual actor. Participants claimed that a balance between these roles is equated with “ideal masculinity.”

men’s power lies in performance and potency,” “an ideal man is virile,” “a proper man is good in bed,” “going several sexual rounds makes a man,” “a man with sexual capacity earns respect,” “sexual potency is central to manhood,” “the level of respect a man receives depends on his sexual performance,” and “without good sex, money and wealth cannot satisfy a woman”.

Participants argued that although a man’s masculinity is demonstrated in part by his ability to provide for his family/wife, being a good provider does not give the man power or control over his woman/wife in both the social and the sexual realm if he is sexually weak.

Commonly participants said that their wives and societal norms set expectations that are quite high. However, most of the participants reported that they have lost their past sexual selves. Instead, they said they rely on “sexual nostalgia,” and they see their youth as a core reference point and ideal for healthy sexuality.

To be honest, impotence is the greatest annoyance in marital life, and it is even more embarrassing for polygamous men like me… The heart still desires but the body doesn’t allow…it is an embarrassment, for sure.

Most of the participants expressed concerns about being deemed an “incomplete or good-for-nothing” man who cannot perform well sexually or control his wife’s sexuality.

the majority of the participants—and especially those with a younger wife or a big age gap between themselves and their partner(s) (including those in polygamous marriages)—revealed that they were embarrassed by their performance issues within their marriage. Men’s superior power and dominance are embedded in characteristics such as having sexual prowess and virility, having sexual skills, being able to achieve an erection, and being able to go several sexual rounds.

These norms discourage men from asking or talking about their sexual weakness/problems. Thus, a man is encouraged to conceal his sexual weaknesses to protect his image as a powerful and proper man. Moreover, these norms deny older men the space to express their fears and anxieties because such behaviour is perceived as womanly and would call their manhood into question.

…to preserve your image you better avoid talking about it …”.

fears associated with silenced sexuality, many men use traditional herbs and home remedies to treat sexual problems rather than seeking out professional health care.

suicides: “Some because they perceived themselves as failures; others because they didn’t have support…Others had maybe lost their hope and their dignity. So they think it is better to die quickly than to die slowly!”

Crowell (2011) and Masters et al. (2013) who maintained that sexual scripts for male sexual behaviour are reduced to sexual performance metrics such as penetration, achieving erection, and going several sexual rounds/demonstrating sexual stamina.

These findings resonate with the argument put forward by Fracher and Kimmel (1995) that sexuality is a site for experiences of power.

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